• Hoot n’ Holler

    Hoot n’ Holler

    $22.00
     
    “After a few flasks’ worth, you’ll start to see pink-and-green owls with stars on their bellies, too, maaan.”
     
  • Fangs for the Memories

    Fangs for the Memories

    $44.00
    Coming Soon
     
    Those choppers really get the job done, but you should just see the mess when he eats barbecue.
     
  • Beethoven’s Fifth

    Beethoven’s Fifth

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Be careful — liquor of any sort is hellishly sticky between your piano keys.
     
  • Sombrero and Songbird

    Sombrero and Songbird

    $22.00
     
    "Say hello to my leetle yellow friend."
     
  • Bigfootin'

    Bigfootin'

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    All these years later, still livin' large off Harry and the Hendersons residuals.
     
  • Unamused Roger

    Unamused Roger

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "I'm in ankle-deep water, wearing a skirt, and carrying a foil sword. Damn right you should be scared!"
     
  • Hey, Aqualung

    Hey, Aqualung

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "Why am I glowing like this? Can you see the color of the water I just came out of?"
     
  • Mummy Dearest

    Mummy Dearest

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "...Aaaaand, that's a wrap! You probably get that a lot, huh?"
     
  • Jim Dandy

    Jim Dandy

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "Does my silly hat intimidate you? What if I also say 'Diddly-ding-dong-boo!'? Scared yet?"
     
  • Moon Shot

    Moon Shot

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "That's one small sip for man, one giant cocktail for mankind."
     
  • Peeping Kong

    Peeping Kong

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "Shut the blinds. Shut...the...blinds! Now!"
     
  • Horned and Dangerous

    Horned and Dangerous

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "Oh, nothing, dear. Just a unicorn cyclops swamp creature with Dracula teeth, three claws on each hand and red jeans."
     
  • Hairwolf

    Hairwolf

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "Teen? No, that was quite a while ago. I'm more Midlife Crisis Wolf these days."
     
  • Capitalist Pig

    Capitalist Pig

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "I'm not afraid to get down in the mud with you if that's what it takes to close this deal."
     
  • Oddzilla

    Oddzilla

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Partly cloudy with a chance of giant radioactive murderous ill-tempered space lizards.
     
  • Baron von Flaskthofen

    Baron von Flaskthofen

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    He served with distinction and fought with valor. And boy, could he ever wear a big scarf.
     
  • Piece de Resistance

    Piece de Resistance

    $34.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Relationships, in a nutshell.
     
  • Built to Last

    Built to Last

    $34.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "They call this place 'The Open Flask.' Weird name for an apartment complex, but there you go."
     
  • Scatterbrain

    Scatterbrain

    $34.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "Hold on just a second; I seem to have lost my train of thought."
     
  • Bird on a Wire

    Bird on a Wire

    $34.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "Hey, you can see Weehawken from up here!"
     
  • Sunset and Shadow

    Sunset and Shadow

    $34.00
    Limited Edition
     
    An hour later, and this flask would have been completely black.
     
  • No Vacancy

    No Vacancy

    $34.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "The rooms are just OK, but the complimentary plate of scrambled eggs outside the door every morning is terrific."
     
  • Twilight City

    Twilight City

    $34.00
    Limited Edition
     
    As night fell, Jimmy wondered if anyone in the city was going to turn some lights on.
     
  • Cherry Jubilee Cherry Wood Flask

    Cherry Jubilee

    $120.00
     
    Will be a wonderful accessory in that evil-Bond-villain lair you’re building out back.
     
  • Finely Grained Wood Flask

    Finely Grained

    $120.00
     
    Will be a wonderful accessory in that evil-Bond-villain lair you’re building out back.
     
  • Au Naturel Wood Flask

    Au Naturel

    $100.00
     
    Will be a wonderful accessory in that evil-Bond-villain lair you’re building out back.
     
  • Block Party Wood Flask

    Block Party

    $100.00
     
    Will be a wonderful accessory in that evil-Bond-villain lair you’re building out back.
     
  • Evening Wood Wood Flask

    Evening Wood

    $120.00
     
    Will be a wonderful accessory in that evil-Bond-villain lair you’re building out back.
     
  • Serial Mahogany Wood Flask

    Serial Mahogany

    $100.00
     
    Will be a wonderful accessory in that evil-Bond-villain lair you’re building out back.
     
  • A Nice Buzz

    Out of stock

    A Nice Buzz

    $82.00
     
    Like an upturned Fendi bag that contains booze instead of lipstick and tampons. What’s not to like?
     
  • Longneck

    Longneck

    $90.00
     
    Pity the poor giraffe. When he drinks from his flask, it’s 45 minutes before the stuff gets to his stomach.
     
  • Choose Your Poison

    Choose Your Poison

    $90.00
     
    Lye storage: one of the many possible uses for a flask! (Just don’t tell our lawyer we said that. Please?)
     
  • Tangled Up

    Tangled Up

    $82.00
     
    It’d be cool if people’s legs came straight up into their heads like this.
     
  • Owl’s Well

    Owl’s Well

    $82.00
     
    The owl reminds you that this is the flask you use at night. For daytime flasking, get one with an office cubicle on it.
     
  • Sweetest Nectar

    Sweetest Nectar

    $75.00
     
    Note: bee not actual size. Unless you live in one of those screwed-up countries plagued by giant bees.
     
  • Blonde Ambition

    Blonde Ambition

    $22.00
     
    The parasol’s sharp point would prove effective for breaking up slap-fights between Arthur Miller and Joe DiMaggio.
     
  • Busting Loose

    Busting Loose

    $22.00
     
    “What, this ratty old thing? I got it used online for six bucks. Why do you ask?”
     
  • Garter System

    Garter System

    $22.00
     
    “A draft? Yes, I am feeling a bit of a chill. Is it that obvious?”
     
  • Skirt Chaser

    Skirt Chaser

    $22.00
     
    Betty could never figure out why the guys at Waffle House installed the griddle vents on the floor. How inefficient!
     
  • Last Call

    Last Call

    $22.00
     
    “I love this stuff, but I need to figure out how to keep it from pouring through my ribs all over the floor.”
     
  • Matron Saint

    Matron Saint

    $22.00
     
    “Does this dress make me look fat?”
     
  • Danse Macabre

    Danse Macabre

    $22.00
     
    In the Guinness Book for “Longest Uninterrupted Performance of the Macarena: 16 years.”
     
  • Till Death Do Us Part

    Till Death Do Us Part

    $22.00
     
    “I’ve heard of making a girl wait a while before marriage, dear, but this is ridiculous.”
     
  • Mother’s Milk

    Mother’s Milk

    $22.00
     
    “My doctor prescribed me the contents of this flask to treat my acne, and now just look at me!"
     
  • Sharper Image

    Sharper Image

    $22.00
     
    “I’ll take ‘Rejected Children’s-Book Cover Art’ for $200, Alex.”
     
  • She’s Got the Look

    She’s Got the Look

    $22.00
     
    “Yoo-hoo! Over here, darling...Come give Grandma a nice wet kiss!”
     
  • Suits Him

    Suits Him

    $22.00
     
    “Good look. The boutonnière really brings out the red where your veins used to be.”
     
  • Death Becomes Her

    Death Becomes Her

    $22.00
     
    Eleanor was never so proud as the day she won the beauty contest held in Ward C at Shady Acres Nursing Home.
     
  • His n’ Hers

    His n’ Hers

    $22.00
     
    You’ve heard of speed dating? This is slow dating. Really, really slow dating.
     
  • South of the Border

    South of the Border

    $22.00
     
    “I just flew in from Hades, and boy, are my femurs pulverized into dust! Thank you, thank you — I’ll be here all week!”
     
  • Birds of a Feather

    Birds of a Feather

    $22.00
     
    We want some of whatever those birds are smoking. Don’t forget the Visine, little fellas!
     
  • Graveyard Shift

    Graveyard Shift

    $22.00
     
    “Igor, you old rogue, I’m gonna miss you…[sniff]…”
     
  • El Jefe

    El Jefe

    $22.00
     
    Felipe’s performance-enhancing transfer of stomach fat to the arms and upper torso seemed to have taken nicely.
     
  • The Mask Makes the Man

    The Mask Makes the Man

    $22.00
     
    “What do you mean? You said it was Casual Friday, for God’s sake.”
     
  • It’s Alive!

    It’s Alive!

    $32.00
    Coming Soon
     
    “These things on my neck? Auxiliary corks. I can store six flasks’ worth in my neck alone.”
     
  • Azure Like It

    Azure Like It

    $14.00
     
    “Your flask is like the deepest ocean...I mean your eyes! Your eyes! Wait, come back here!... ”
     
  • Tanned, Rested, Ready

    Tanned, Rested, Ready

    $14.00
     
    Exudes a certain manila-folder quality that makes it perfect for your lower-right desk drawer at the office.
     
  • Heckuva Job, Brownie

    Heckuva Job, Brownie

    $14.00
     
    This is actually a clear flask filled with Irish Coffee. Perfect for that 9 a.m. meeting!
     
  • White Lightning

    White Lightning

    $14.00
     
    Ideal for helping you stay warm during cold-weather adventures. Just be sure not to drop it in the snow.
     
  • Betting on Black

    Betting on Black

    $14.00
     
    We like to break this one out during funeral services. Our doctor told us being tipsy helps keep grief at bay.
     
  • Emerald City

    Emerald City

    $14.00
     
    We like this for its evocation of the rich hue our liver will begin to acquire in another couple of decades.
     
  • Enviably Green

    Enviably Green

    $14.00
     
    Not sure this is what Kermit had in mind when he left his body to science, but we’ll take it.
     
  • In the Pink

    In the Pink

    $14.00
     
    Buy two and keep Pepto in the second one for tomorrow morning.
     
  • Badge of Courage

    Badge of Courage

    $14.00
     
    This particular shade is called “Seedy Bordello.” Makes a great graduation gift!
     
  • Grape Expectations

    Grape Expectations

    $14.00
     
    We’re pretty sure Queen Elizabeth used to take this one with her on fox hunts; it matches the velvet in her crown.
     
  • Sacking Up

    Sacking Up

    $70.00
    Coming Soon
     
    Hang it around your neck and pretend you’re a St. Bernard. Arf! Good dog.
     
  • OMG LOL

    OMG LOL

    $24.00
    Coming Soon
     
    “I'll take ‘Things on Which We Gleefully Fritter Away Our Very Lives’ for $300, Alex.”
     
  • Snake in the Flask

    Snake in the Flask

    $240.00
    Limited Edition
     
    "Sssssip sssslowly for sssssupreme flasssssssk ssssatissssfaction…"
     
  • Trunk and Disorderly

    Trunk and Disorderly

    $240.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Elephants never forget. After a few flasks' worth, you almost certainly will.
     
  • A Ram and a Dram

    A Ram and a Dram

    $240.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Some give their lives to become shofars. This guy got the better end of the deal.
     
  • Is Eight Enough?

    Is Eight Enough?

    $240.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Just think how many flasks humans could hold with this many arms. Damn you, natural selection!
     
  • Horn of Plenty

    Horn of Plenty

    $240.00
    Limited Edition
     
    “What’s that? My supple skin? I’ve been flasking for decades, that’s how. You know how much bourbon this requires?”
     
  • Foam Sweet Foam

    Out of stock

    Foam Sweet Foam

    $54.00
    Limited Edition

    0 of 20 remain

     
    Found on a cave wall in Lascaux; proves even primitive man liked to dip into the fermented yak urine, too.
     
  • Tat’s All, Folks

    Tat’s All, Folks

    $99.00
    Coming Soon
     
    “This one I got when I crossed the equator. This is my probation officer. This one was done in Tijuana. This one…”
     
  • Wild Inside

    Wild Inside

    $22.00
     
    We have it on good authority that he is also, indeed, a smoker and a midnight toker. Now you know!
     
  • Official Likeness

    Official Likeness

    $22.00
     
    The cause of death was determined to be asphyxiation by inordiately large bow tie.
     
  • Death Wish

    Death Wish

    $22.00
     
    Dillinger was passionately attracted to his latest gun moll. As long as he stayed to her left, of course.
     
  • Split Personality

    Split Personality

    $22.00
     
    “I’ve never noticed any effects from living near Three Mile Island, no. What? Is it something I said?”
     
  • Serpent’s Quarters

    Serpent’s Quarters

    $22.00
     
    “Tell me again about your eventful flight from Honolulu to Los Angeles with Samuel L. Jackson, darling.”
     
  • Geisha Ghoul

    Geisha Ghoul

    $22.00
     
    Who knew Atari had such substantial market share in late-nineteenth-century imperial Japan?
     
  • Internally Yours

    Internally Yours

    $22.00
     
    “I dunno, man. It was going great. I was at, like, third base. Her top was off. And then... ”
     
  • Wig Party

    Wig Party

    $22.00
     
    Bob’s Marge Simpson obsession was in irreconcilable conflict with his Founding Fathers obsession.
     
  • Eye for an Eye

    Eye for an Eye

    $22.00
     
    “Oh, like you’ve never had a bit too much from the flask and fallen face-first onto a wrought-iron fence.”
     
  • Vision Quest

    Vision Quest

    $22.00
     
    “Dunno, doc — I’m having this burning sensation in my right eye. I think my contacts might be dried out.”
     
  • Deadly Dapper

    Deadly Dapper

    $22.00
     
    “Christ, honey. It’s those people next door again, with their ‘Welcome to the Neighborhood’ bouquet.”
     
  • Life of the Party

    Life of the Party

    $22.00
     
    “ ‘Don’t take the brown acid,’ they told me. Such B.S., man. I can’t notice any difference. You?”
     
  • Gentleman Caller

    Gentleman Caller

    $22.00
     
    “If my top hat and stylish brown trousers don’t win your affection, perhaps my blood-red aura will make a convincing case.”
     
  • Leia’s Last Look

    Leia’s Last Look

    $22.00
     
    When is Lord Vader coming back? Feels like I’ve been holding her hostage for ages.
     
  • Stargeezer

    Stargeezer

    $22.00
     
    “The yellow star I got as an award for being able to eat an entire prime rib despite the fact that I have no lower jaw.”
     
  • Always a Bridesmaid

    Always a Bridesmaid

    $22.00
     
    You think she looks bad? You should see the undead groomsman who tried to put the moves on her.
     
  • Johnny Law

    Johnny Law

    $22.00
     
    The mouth bandanna was helpful, but he couldn’t figure out how to keep frontier dust out of his nose and eyeholes.
     
  • Flower Child

    Flower Child

    $22.00
     
    “Look into my eyes. You are getting sleepy...very, very sleeeeeeepy…
     
  • The Honeymooners

    The Honeymooners

    $22.00
     
    Let’s just hope these two donated their massive eyeballs to science. Think of the use!
     
  • Bone Ranger

    Bone Ranger

    $22.00
     
    How can you tell he’s actually the good guy? The solid-gold cowboy hat is a sure tip-off.
     
  • Murder Ballad

    Murder Ballad

    $22.00
     
    “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy — but here’s my number, so call me, maaaaybe?...
     
  • Alms for the Pour

    Alms for the Pour

    $22.00
     
    “Rotgut here! Get your freshly distilled rotgut! Rotgut here...”
     
  • Long Live the King

    Long Live the King

    $22.00
     
    EXCLUSIVE...ELVIS SPOTTED AT PIGGLY WIGGLY IN MOBILE, ALABAMA...TUNE IN AT 11…
     
  • Desperado

    Desperado

    $22.00
     
    "The last time I tried this, found out the damn thing was loaded! Well, live and learn, they say...”
     
  • Smoker’s Choice

    Smoker’s Choice

    $22.00
     
    “I’ve smoked unfiltered Pall Malls since I was 12 years old. If they were bad for me, wouldn’t I be feeling it by now?”
     
  • The Queen Is Dead

    The Queen Is Dead

    $22.00
     
    One of the perils of being a Siamese twin: having to tote a corpse around with you for years or even decades.
     
  • Eerie, Vermeer-y

    Eerie, Vermeer-y

    $22.00
     
    When she takes off her pearl earring, she can stow it in either eyehole for safe keeping. Pretty sweet.
     
  • A Walk in the Woods

    A Walk in the Woods

    $22.00
     
    Results vary; your own dystopian nightmares might look a little different.
     
  • The Cat’s Meow

    The Cat’s Meow

    $22.00
     
    The only way this could get more film-noir is if the other side of the flask has some blinds and a neon sign on it.
     
  • Cheep Hooch

    Cheep Hooch

    $22.00
     
    “Oy, the stories I could tell about nights at Toots Shor’s with Jimmy Durante. But does anyone give a damn? No.”
     
  • Hit Liszt

    Hit Liszt

    $22.00
     
    In all history, no one’s name has sounded more like a zipper than Franz Liszt’s.
     
  • Good Times With Gustav

    Good Times With Gustav

    $22.00
     
    Most think Mahler’s best work was in front of the orchestra. We’d say it was behind the bar.
     
  • Maneaters

    Maneaters

    $22.00
     
    “Eek! Get away from me, you frightful henna-dyed harridans! Aiiiiieeeee…
     
  • Cordial Introduction

    Cordial Introduction

    $22.00
     
    Little-known fact: this picture is drawn to scale. Now that’s a shot glass!
     
  • #Gershwinning

    #Gershwinning

    $22.00
     
    Blue, brown, red, clear, whatever: if it comes out of a flask, we’ll be plenty rhapsodic.
     
  • Fair Warning

    Fair Warning

    $22.00
     
    Fun arts-and-crafts project: after a few snootfuls, use the top half of this flask to draw your own comic strip!
     
  • Sketchy Characters

    Sketchy Characters

    $22.00
     
    Prediction: in 2018, this one panel alone will sell for $261 million at a Sotheby’s auction.
     
  • Hope Floats

    Hope Floats

    $22.00
     
    “This is lovely, darling, but it would be so much better if the pool were deeper than two inches.”
     
  • Grand Finale

    Grand Finale

    $22.00
     
    Joke’s on them: wait till they find out those are North Korean nukes!
     
  • The Lady in Red

    The Lady in Red

    $22.00
     
    Lenny and Squiggy were not impressed with Shirley’s new come-hither wardrobe.
     
  • Most Likely to Succeed

    Most Likely to Succeed

    $22.00
     
    Neurosurgeons and physicists are all well and good, but ending up on the side of a flask is the real accomplishment in life.
     
  • High Seas

    High Seas

    $22.00
     
    It’s a little-known historical fact that the Mayflower was protected at sea by an enormous plastic geodesic bubble.
     
  • Ship’s Mate

    Ship’s Mate

    $22.00
     
    If only those boastful cretins who built the Titanic had thought of this!
     
  • Rising Tide

    Rising Tide

    $22.00
     
    What the fish sees when it boldly decides to stick its head up out of the aquarium for a moment.
     
  • Down to Earth

    Down to Earth

    $22.00
     
    If only Pee-Wee had done this that day instead of going to that movie theater…
     
  • Little Tramp

    Little Tramp

    $22.00
     
    Kids, this is what movie stars looked like before attractive people were invented.
     
  • Lloyd’s First Sip

    Lloyd’s First Sip

    $22.00
     
    Harold Lloyd’s legacy lived on in the hairstyles of Yahoo Serious, Eraserhead and Sideshow Bob.
     
  • Fill It, Buster

    Fill It, Buster

    $22.00
     
    This rare portrait of Buster Keaton helps explain why all his movies were shot in black-and-white.
     
  • Hot Pursuit

    Hot Pursuit

    $22.00
     
    Would you rather get stomped on by those feet or gored by those tusks? Seriously, we want to know.
     
  • Monster Mash

    Monster Mash

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    He was elated to be having a portrait done, but for a monster of his nature to sit still for three hours was torment.
     
  • Gator’s Got Her

    Gator’s Got Her

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Remember the swing-dancing craze of the late ’90s? It got totally out of hand at times.
     
  • His Neck of the Woods

    His Neck of the Woods

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    “Is this the carotid artery? Crap, no. Is this it? God, I should have paid more attention in school.”
     
  • Flaskopolis

    Flaskopolis

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    The cure for futuristic societal angst, happily, is the elixir found in this very flask!
     
  • Eighth Wonder

    Eighth Wonder

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    No special lasso needed — what’s in the flask is truth serum enough.
     
  • Igor’s Muse

    Igor’s Muse

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Interestingly, he’s the most famous human ever with either “Igor” or “Stravinsky” in his name.
     
  • You Don’t Mess With the Johannes

    You Don’t Mess With the Johannes

    $44.00
    Limited Edition
     
    Brahms used to hate it when he’d walk down the street and people would tell him how much they loved Das Kapital.
     
  • All Roads

    All Roads

    $22.00
     
    Google’s latest innovation: as the liquid level in the flask lowers, your route is slowly revealed to you.
     
  • Parisian Season

    Parisian Season

    $22.00
     
    The Great Rosé Flood of 1851 would’ve devastated Paris but for the thousands who volunteered to help clean up.
     
  • Sicilian Slice

    Sicilian Slice

    $22.00
     
    Why doesn’t Sicily get more respect? Because, as this clearly shows, it’s forever fated to lick Italy’s boot.
     
  • Into Africa

    Into Africa

    $22.00
     
    Africa has its problems, but it’s unquestionably the coolest-shaped continent.
     
  • Private ’Stache

    Private ’Stache

    $22.00
     
    Good news! The contents of your flask can, in a pinch, be used in place of mustache wax for all your sculpting needs.
     
  • The Thinker

    The Thinker

    $22.00
     
    This is your brain on a flask. Literally, we mean. We’re being totally straight with you here.
     
  • Flight Pattern

    Flight Pattern

    $22.00
     
    Instead of spending hours fumbling through the cold, damp woods, just sit on the porch and watch this between sips.
     
  • Bi-Curious

    Bi-Curious

    $22.00
     
    Contains a cocktail we like to call the “Lance Armstrong.” Oh, it’ll pep you up, all right.
     
  • Paying at the Pump

    Paying at the Pump

    $22.00
     
    Does it strike anyone else as weird that something that looks like this became the universal symbol for love?
     
  • Handlebarfly

    Handlebarfly

    $22.00
     
    Someone needs to tell this guy that Crest is not an acceptable substitute when you’re out of mustache wax.
     
  • Be Kind, Rewind

    Be Kind, Rewind

    $22.00
     
    The fact that the hissy, garbled mixtape was once a totem of romantic affection underscores how difficult life used to be.
     
  • Going Incognito

    Going Incognito

    $22.00
     
    “I say, dear boy, pull up those jeans, comb your hair, remove that disk from your earlobe and have a sip. Better, no?”
     
  • Little Tweeter

    Little Tweeter

    $22.00
     
    "I prefer cheep hooch, but I'll drink the good stuff if it's there."
     
  • Tealfeathers

    Tealfeathers

    $22.00
     
    Anyone else suddenly thirsty for curacao with a lime wedge?
     
  • Just Your Type

    Just Your Type

    $22.00
     
    Anytime someone tries to tell you things were better in the old days, just show him this.
     
  • Waterworld

    Waterworld

    $22.00
     
    Be careful walking around here after you've had a few.
     
  • Great Dame

    Great Dame

    $22.00
     
    "Don't let my sensible work attire fool you. I drink, like, four of these a day."
     
  • Nothing but Nets

    Nothing but Nets

    $22.00
     
    "Excuse me, my eyes are up here...oh, wait, actually they aren't. As you were."
     
  • The Garter Administration

    The Garter Administration

    $22.00
     
    5:01 p.m. was always J. Edgar Hoover's favorite time of day.
     
  • Flasko Libre

    Flasko Libre

    $22.00
     
    When luchadors dream, they dream of flowers and bumblebees. Isn't that sweet?
     
  • Darth Sixpack

    Darth Sixpack

    $22.00
     
    Forget the light saber; one nudge up against those abs, and your arm's coming clean off.
     
  • Madonna and Child and Libations

    Madonna and Child and Libations

    $22.00
     
    "I know the crown is uncomfortable. Sit still, for Christ's sake!"
     
  • Prom Troopers

    Prom Troopers

    $22.00
     
    "Let's live this night as if the Death Star will be blown up at sunrise, baby."
     
  • Desert Delight

    Desert Delight

    $22.00
     
    "What, these? Lee Press-Ons. Pretty, huh?"
     
  • Ganesha-a-Go-Go

    Ganesha-a-Go-Go

    $22.00
     
    "Four arms means twice the flask capacity. God, I love my life."
     
  • Brunettes Have More Fun

    Brunettes Have More Fun

    $22.00
     
    "Ha ha, yes! And I have to spend only 18 hours with a curling iron to get it this way!"
     
  • Devil's Share

    Devil's Share

    $22.00
     
    "The next one of you minions who makes fun of my Speedo gets a trident right in the ass."
     
  • Easy Being Green

    Easy Being Green

    $22.00
     
    "It's Tom Ford. Old Astroturf. Bespoke. Cost me $3,500. Looks great with the mask, huh?"
     
  • Chewbikini

    Chewbikini

    $22.00
     
    You just can never be sure what famous actors look like in real life, you know?
     
  • Bleeding-Heart Literal

    Bleeding-Heart Literal

    $22.00
     
    "Cupid, this is the cardiology wing. You want psychiatry. Fourteenth floor."
     
  • Ink Inc.

    Ink Inc.

    $22.00
     
    "What will they look like when I'm 80? We'll cross that bridge when we get there, dear."
     
  • Fantastic Four

    Fantastic Four

    $22.00
     
    Rasslin' by day, flower arrangin' by night.
     
  • Pray Tell

    Pray Tell

    $22.00
     
    "Lord bless me and keep me, and I hope the giant bees don't find out about this."
     
  • Trooper Duper

    Trooper Duper

    $22.00
     
    The helmet goes on just fine; it's the corset that's the real killer.
     
  • Dressed to Kill

    Dressed to Kill

    $22.00
     
    What the Troopers break out every time a new emperor is crowned.
     
  • Stripes Make the Man

    Stripes Make the Man

    $22.00
     
    "Why yes, I am hiding 73 flasks within the billows of my pants...why do you ask?"
     
  • Pensive Pummeler

    Pensive Pummeler

    $22.00
     
    "Sometimes I wonder, man...are headlocks and excruciating crotch grabs all there is in life?"
     
  • Jesus, That's Beautiful

    Jesus, That's Beautiful

    $22.00
     
    Looks rather hot to the touch, but we assume he can handle it.
     
  • Sockets to Me

    Sockets to Me

    $22.00
     
    Especially in death, a mother-in-law's contemptuous stare is alarming to behold.
     
  • Florence of Arabia

    Florence of Arabia

    $22.00
     
    "I really should have packed the SPF a million."
     
  • Take Me to Your Liter

    Take Me to Your Liter

    $22.00
     
    "Nice to meet you. I brought the funnel; I hope you brought the booze."
     
  • Two-Faced

    Two-Faced

    $22.00
     
    Lady Gaga has finally figured out how to shock everyone again.
     
  • Napoleon Dynamited

    Napoleon Dynamited

    $22.00
     
    "I finally pushed the liger just a little too far."
     
  • The Importance of Being Ernest

    The Importance of Being Ernest

    $22.00
     
    "I'm calling the sequel A Farewell to Half My Face. Catchy, isn't it?"
     
  • Organic Butcher

    Organic Butcher

    $22.00
     
    "Well, that was some Five Points knife fight, my goodness."
     
  • Half Nelson

    Half Nelson

    $22.00
     
    Not redheaded, but definitely stranger.
     
  • Spockmarked

    Spockmarked

    $22.00
     
    "Bones, I'm going to have to call in a favor from you on this one."
     
  • Overly Theatrical

    Overly Theatrical

    $22.00
     
    "The patron saints of people still waiting in line for tickets to Cats."
     
  • Lovers' Lane

    Lovers' Lane

    $22.00
     
    Add a blonde, a weird neighbor and a crazy landlord, and you've got the makings for a great '70s sitcom.
     
  • Monster's Ink

    Monster's Ink

    $22.00
     
    Everyone's got a weird phobia or two. You never can tell.
     
  • Shady Character

    Shady Character

    $22.00
     
    Hunter Thompson's driver's-license photo, revealed at last.
     
  • The Proper Topper

    The Proper Topper

    $22.00
     
    "You know, tea really is better when you're sporting a complicated piece of elaborate headwear."
     
  • Ebony and Ivory

    Ebony and Ivory

    $22.00
     
    The lilting melody of "Cocktails" is vastly preferable to that of "Chopsticks."
     
  • Future Shock

    Future Shock

    $22.00
     
    We miss test patterns. Does anyone else miss test patterns?
     
  • Brace Yourself

    Brace Yourself

    $22.00
     
    The Rolling Stones' first logo, 1963.
     
  • Peloton Crew

    Peloton Crew

    $22.00
     
    "We're well off the pace, but whoever wins will surely have his title stripped one day anyway. Keep going!"
     
  • Surfin' USA

    Surfin' USA

    $22.00
     
    She was about to ingest several liters of plankton and salt water. Bring it, she thought. Bring. It.
     
  • Waiting for Escargots

    Waiting for Escargots

    $22.00
     
    "You've never been more beautifully gastropodal than you are in this moonlight, sweetheart."
     
  • Birds' Eye View

    Birds' Eye View

    $22.00
     
    "It's that Johnson kid again. You distract him, and I'll fly over and let one loose on his head."
     
  • Viewniverse

    Viewniverse

    $22.00
     
    Dirt, check. Leaves, check. Water, check. Clouds, check. It's the universe, all right.
     
  • Bubble Market

    Bubble Market

    $22.00
     
    We also have a Coke can that says "VODKA" on it.
     
  • Peaks and Valleys

    Peaks and Valleys

    $22.00
     
    What really goes on at night while you sleep. Try not to think about it.
     
  • Flooding the Zone

    Flooding the Zone

    $22.00
     
    Forrest Gump 2: Back Into Hell
     
  • Over the Moon

    Over the Moon

    $22.00
     
    "Can that miserable bastard cow do this?"
     
  • Cretaceous Park

    Cretaceous Park

    $22.00
     
    "Sorry, you're breaking up...and there's some enormous, terrifying quadruped coming toward me. Call you back."
     
  • Reign of the Sun Clown

    Reign of the Sun Clown

    $22.00
     
    "Kids, step right up. There is nothing whatsoever creepy or malicious about me. No sir! Step right up!"
     
  • Grace Under Pressure

    Grace Under Pressure

    $22.00
     
    Swan Lake Under the Influence is definitely the most interesting ballet we've ever seen.
     
  • Surgeon Generals

    Surgeon Generals

    $22.00
     
    "The patient's likely dead. On the other hand, they can't pin it on any one of us in particular."
     
  • Muted Palette

    Muted Palette

    $54.00
    Coming Soon
     
    “I call this one Watermelon Kiwi Floral Abstract. It depicts watermelon, kiwi, and some flowers. You know, abstractly.”